Sunday, October 4 @ 8:53 PM
Anong nangyayari sa malamig na gabi...
Kapag malamig ang gabi, lumilikot ang aking kamay. Naghahanap ng isang mahabang bagay na mahahawakan, hihilahin, kakagatin, at mamanapulahin. At pag ako'y kumalma na, maghahanap na ng papel at ipupunas ang tinta ng nagsusukang bolpen.
Malamig ang gabi, humuhupa na ang ulan. Wala akog magawa, pagsulat ang napagtuunan.
It's been 3 days and 3 months since my last post entry in here [i have this sort of whatever notebook]. Have been too busy. I really can't believe it. I realized I haven't really understood or felt the "time flies" thing. Cliche-ic, I know. But true. It's not always "time flie when you're having fun", it could just be "time flies when you're freaking busy. It's like, er, I really don't know what it's like. BUSY got a whole new meaning for me. It's so not the busy-busyhan kind of thing, it's just plain and serious busy. I just have to be thankful that my September busy-ness was not as bad as August's. I WAS juggling acads, [fcking hard,fcking demanding] org application, fiends, numerous Kalai activities which I would have gladly attended (not that I had the time) had these not been looooong and belaboring [Eng1 :)]. But it's over now. No more org application. For the first time I REALLY REALLY studied, not just scanned notes, for a Math17 long exam. AND got a score I think I deserved, 'twas no uno but I felt real good about it and was not sulking about it. I did not stay up til 4AM for an Eng10 paper (got class at 8:30)...yeah, well,okay, I did that just one more time. I actually get to read the Kas1 readings. I memorized Eng1 vocab, and not names of people who could do power-trips on me anytime. I actually listened to my Bio1 prof's rantings, and participated in Geog1 group activities, with my mind out of rushing to their tambayan after class. Okay, I think you see the reason for my kabusyhan. I have nothing against the org. Why would I even bother to apply if I didn't think the org was great. Yeah they're great, but not all that. I was just not ready for such a big challenge. I wanted to be a freshie, and jut be "normal." AND I am not willing to sacrifice my acads yet. Coz deep inide I knew I could do better in my acads. I want to have a taste of victory muna before I head back to that application. But I really loved being an app, I gained around 27 friends, 19 of whom I had forged connections with. There are only 16 of them now, and I know they have much deeper connections with each other now. I'm happy about that, but I miss them a lot. It sounds silly but I feel there's some sort of barrier that keeps me form openly communicating with them again. I feel that there is a circle of intimacy between them that I should not intrude.
Shet drama. Hahahaha. [I won't be reading this post for a long time. I get ths urge to puke everytime I read some dramatic post of mine.]
Anyways, there were two things that really improved after August: friends and myself. I get to spend more time with them. I value them a lot of course, especially the BiSoc. They're not just friends from school or something. They're like friends-friends. And as cheesy as it may sound, we sort of became a family. I guess that's what living sa ilalim ng iisang bubong did to us. It's 11:16PM right now. The power was supposed to go down earlier at 8:00PM. Mabuti nang may kuryente, I'd be able to study for my MathLE4. I'm determined to really preapare for that exam since I have all the time.
What made me write tonight? Um, I was on senti mode from all the mush and cheese we've been watching. The girls of BiSoc have been on a movie marathon since yesternight. I have watched The Proposal, [the second half of] If Only, A Walk to Remember, and What Happens in Vegas. Shayne and Alex watched 17 Again. We were all in very good moods all throughout the day. Haaaai:)) We were watching Chasing Liberty just now but I had to go downbecause of curfew stuff during this bagyo-ey night. So yeah, I'd go to sleep na. It's been raining like crazy here all day but it's stopped now.Labels: english, everyday, frustrations, Kalai, UP
